Up until a few years ago, the sexual abuse I suffered throughout my childhood was a faded memory. Everything changed when I found out that someone else in my family had been abused by him too and was in a very bad way. Knowing that he’d done it to someone else completely changed the way I viewed him and my perspective on what happened to me. It turned me upside down – I felt sick, confused and tearful and didn’t know what I was supposed to do to make myself feel better.
I had 12 months of face-to-face counselling and it’s now been 2 years since that finished.
Before the abuse issues re-surfaced, I was a very independent, grounded and trusting person. And then suddenly, it was like my foundations had been taken away. Counselling enabled me to sort everything out in my head and since then, I have been building new foundations. I have changed as a person and so have my views on all sorts of things.
I recognise that I’m not as sure of myself and trusting of others as I used to be. This is slowly changing with the help of some lovely friends. Dreams, stories in the news, conversation etc sometimes drag up memories and sadness. When this happens, I always phone the SARSAS helpline to talk it over with them. I always try to look forward and remember how far I’ve come. Sometimes it’s not easy and I get very frustrated with myself. But I always remember to be kind to myself which is a great thing to do.