I am struggling with pregnancy, birth or early motherhood. How can I make it less difficult for me?

As a victim/survivor, you might find that you feel unhappy or unsafe about being pregnant. Having to ‘share’ your body and not being in control of it can be triggering and the birth ahead and motherhood itself can feel scary, or perhaps you didn’t even want to be pregnant in the first place.

You might also find that you feel unusual sensations such as:

  • unsafe
  • spaced out
  • hyper-alert
  • angry
  • strangely disinterested or even ‘out of your body’ when you have to visit the midwife or any other maternity health care providers (sometimes especially during physical examinations)
  • upset, confused, angry and exhausted after your appointments

The birth ahead may be worrying, the parts of your body which are active in birth may be the same as were abused in the past.

The thought of strangers around during such an intimate time can be very uncomfortable too.

Some women feel nervous about becoming a mother, as perhaps you feel your abuse history might affect your relationship with your new baby.

You might want to breastfeed, but find the idea challenging.

These are all very normal responses for survivors.

There are several things you can do to help prepare for your midwife and consultant appointments, and for birth and new motherhood:

  • Take a friend with you to your clinical visits.
  • Make a list of things you want to ask before you get to any appointments.
  • Create a birth plan which includes some ideas of ways in which you might feel safer and more comfortable.
  • Let your midwives know about your history (only if it feels right to do so) so that they can support you and then make sure that this information is relayed to all your labour ward / homebirth teams, by asking for a note to be added to maternity papers.
  • Find who your local breastfeeding peer supporters / where your breastfeeding support groups are, ahead of time.
  • Choose a local friend who is someone you really trust and ask them to be your birth partner.

You might also benefit from a Doula. A Doula is trained to support you during pregnancy, birth and in new parenthood, but is not medical or clinical.

You can find more about Doulas at www.doula.org.uk.

If you are in financial hardship, voluntary Doula care is provided by ‘Doulas Without Borders’. You can apply for this at www.doulaswithoutborders.com

This page has been written for us by Doulas Without Borders.

Want to talk?

Women and girls

0808 801 0456*

Mon & Fri 11am – 2pm,
Tue, Wed and Thu 6pm – 8:30pm

Men and boys

0808 801 0464*

Mon & Fri 11am – 2pm,
Tue 6pm – 8:30pm

What to expect when you call

*Self-defined gender identity. Trans and non-binary callers welcome.

Want to talk?

Women and girls

0808 801 0456*

Mon & Fri 11am – 2pm,
Tue, Wed and Thu 6pm – 8:30pm

Men and boys

0808 801 0464*

Mon & Fri 11am – 2pm,
Tue 6pm – 8:30pm

What to expect when you call

*Self-defined gender identity. Trans and non-binary callers welcome.

Listening, believing & supporting